Friday, November 20, 2009

It's Fixed!

Week 11 Picks:

Jets @ Patriots

This is the lock of the week, because of the way New England lost last week. Not only will the Pats win this game, but it will be brutal, they'll run up the score, and the Jets will want to run home crying. How stupid do you think Rex Ryan feels for all his ‘We’re not scared of them’ preseason trash talking? The Jets are 1-5 in their last six games and really not a good team at all, especially with Kris Jenkins gone for the year. Revis might be able to slow down Moss, but no way Brady lets them stay in the game; there will be no second-guessing Belichick after this game. Pats by 24.

Browns @ Lions

As redundant and unwatchable as the Lions-Rams game was a few weeks ago, this might be even worse. Seriously. The Browns offense has scored five touchdowns in its last fifteen games. With the way in which Detroit gives up yards, something has got to give. We’re either looking at a “breakout” game for Brady Quinn, or a “statement” game for the Lions defense. Either way, it will be overblown and a little ridiculous. No matter the outcome, one certainty is that Jamal Lewis scores his first rushing TD of the season in this game, and another is that Calvin Johnson has his best game of the season, which won’t take much. This could actually be fun to watch, because both teams are so viciously inept and untalented that anything is possible. Including the Lions second victory of the season. The boys in blue by 6.

Seahawks @ Vikings

The Seahawks are a pretty solid team with two glaring flaws: they have a horrible secondary, and an even worse offensive line. The Vikings are extremely well-balanced and they can beat you in so many ways that they should be able to simply outmatch Seattle on both sides of the ball and win this one easily. Seattle has no answer for Jared Allen and no way of stopping Brett Favre (and believe me, I want to stab myself with a handful of staples just for typing that), and of course, no way of stopping AP. Seattle’s one chance of winning is to abandon the running game early and chuck the ball 50 times. Minnesota’s secondary is not bad though, and I don’t see that working out well for Hasslebeck. Vikes by 20.

Steelers @ Chiefs

Kansas City is one of those teams that should never be completely counted out when they’re at home. That being said, the Dwayne Bowe suspension is killer for them and it’s never fun to play Pittsburgh when they are in need of a win. Them Stellers are going to be without their defensive superstar once again, but Polamalu’s absence doesn’t matter in this game. KC covers the spread, but Pittsburgh wins by a touchdown.

49ers @ Packers

Green Bay is coming off a huge home win against Dallas to keep them in the playoff picture, and now stays at home for a visit from the mediocre 49ers. But San Fran has had 9 days to prepare for this game and Singletary is a smart coach. I don’t know what else to say. I’m pretty sure there are the two teams I’ve picked incorrectly the most this year. I’ll just flip a coin and say … Green Bay. By three.

Colts @ Ravens

I watched enough of the Browns-Ravens snoozefest to confirm an assertion I’ve held for a long time now: Joe Flacco just isn’t very good. Yeah, the Colts secondary is decimated and just got punished by Moss and Welker, but Derrick Mason and Mark Clayton are not Moss and Welker. Baltimore’s offense is, dare I say, just a little overrated. Plus, let’s not forget that the Colts are the best team in the NFL, and led by the best player in the NFL. I’ll take Indy by 17.

Redskins @ Cowboys

I was morbidly shocked to discover that Washington had beaten Denver last week, but maybe I shouldn’t have been. After all, my preseason analysis was that Washington was good, and Denver was not. Ladell Betts has always been a capable back and Campbell is playing better now that Jim Zorn isn’t calling the plays. They could have success against Dallas, who by the way, isn’t all that good on defense, and is prone to random lapses in meaningful games, such as this one. I’m going to continue the wave of Redskins-shock and pick Washington, by 6.

Bills @ Jaguars

Is it just me, or have the Jags not played a difficult opponent in the past five or six weeks? They shouldn’t have any trouble beating the Bills, and don’t look now, but they’ll be 6-4 if they do. Jacksonville by 10.

Falcons @ Giants

New York is coming off a bye and needs to win this game. Fortunately for them, Matt Ryan has apparently forgotten how to play quarterback. Giants by 10.

Saints @ Buccaneers

I’m gonna go out on a limb and take the Saints.

Cardinals @ Rams

Another limb … I’ll take Arizona

Bengals @ Oakland

Once more … Cincinnati by 24…

Chargers @ Broncos

When these teams matched up week six and Denver came away victorious, Denver was 6-0 and San Diego was 2-3. It was all over. But since that game, Denver has lost three straight, while the Bolts have won four straight, making both teams 6-3 and making this the single most important AFC West game in the history of the 2009 season. Here's my prediction: San Diego loses, and still manages to win the division. That's kind of their style. Broncos by six.

Eagles @ Bears

Isn’t it funny how the Bears defense has become a complete sieve? McNabb and Co. should have very little trouble torching them through the air and forcing Jay “The Turnover” Cutler to launch the ball into heavy coverage. But that’s what Jay wants to do anyway, so everyone wins. Speaking of everyone wins, this Bears season has been a complete joy to watch for the entire nation. Everyone hates Cutler and cheers against him. Cutler has played horrifically, much to the delight of everyone, and seems to degeneratively play worse with each interception. Has there ever been a more unanimously hated player who isn’t actually any good, but all the ‘experts’ pretend like he is good so that makes rooting against him all the more enjoyable? I think not, except for maybe Vince Carter. Eagles win by 15 and stay in the hunt.

Titans @ Texans

Is there a more embarrassed individual over the past week in sports than 86-year old owner of the Titans Bud Adams, who gave the middle-finger salute to Bills fans last week? And not just once, but about fifteen times. Team owners are supposed to stay invisible as best they can, or only make appearances for beneficial reasons or to accept championship trophies. To pull this crude, juvenile act (which was completely unwarranted) is just flat-out embarrassing and sad, especially for an 86-year old man. I’m glad he got fined a quarter-million dollars, and I hope that money is put to good use. But as far as the MNF game, I’m thinking the Titans winning streak comes to an end and that Houston (who had two weeks to prepare for this game, which is much more significant for them than it is for Tennessee) wins by 14 and stays in the Wildcard discussion.

Last week: 8-7

This week, so far: 0-1

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