Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Across the Sea ...

a friend asked me for my take on last night's lost episode, and this is what i emailed him ...

my take on the show is
it was the WORST EFFING EPISODE they've ever done
all the hype
no answers, just more questions

who's that stupid lady
how'd she get there
what the HELL was up with the shining river of light
and all the vague talk
like "a little bit of this light is inside every man. And they always want more"
what the hell is that supposed to mean
it was just one meaningless nonsensical statement after another
just meant to confuse and conquer the audience into saying 'i dont get it, so i guess i'll go along with it'
too bad that doesnt work cuz the auience wants REAL freaking ANSWERS
the audience is smarter than you think damon and carlton!!!
we're not retarded, we're not gonna be duped into thinking a shiny river holds all the answers
just blatant, obvious proof that they had no idea what the island WAS themselves
they should have just picked one of the theorys from a fan and run with it
but instead they had to be cocky and go their own way and be "original"
and what they decided upon was
"how about a glowing river of light to explain what the island is, how it heals people, keeps people ageless, and ALSO at the SAME TIME ALSO CREATES THE BLACK SMOKE MONSTER!"
yeah, i bet people will fall for that!
and if they still have questions, we'll just have them drink some magic wine
yeah, magic wine always answers all of people's questions

okay so theyre brothers, they play backgammon and jacob is a naive little twit who always tells his mom the truth
and both kids are morons
"what's dead?"
"what's a ship"
come on how stupid can they be
they don't know what dead is? dont they hunt boar? do they eat the boar alive?

jacob is a little dipshit. he sucks. i cant believe i thought he was cool. he's a total loser.

as for the attempt at answering what the rules are (only the potentially most awesome part of lost, it could have been all laid-out like a game), all we get is "I made it so you two can't hurt each other."

how the HELL did you manage to do that??! !?!??!?!
what is she a witch?
why is she immortal anyway??
OOHHH, right, because she drank the wine, i forgot, that makes A TON of sense

if they cant hurt each other, why does jacob punch MIB and make his face all bloody on two different occasions. maybe she should have said cant kill each other???

is that the ONLY freaking rule?
what about the candidates?
what about not being able to kill them?

"one day jacob, you can make up your own game with your own rules."

yeah that was pretty cool when MIB said that, but are we just supposed to assume thats what happened ..
are they ever gonna show that???
what were the rules he made up?
what was the LOOPHOLE???

jacob is such a loser. why did he let ben stab him in the first place.
why not run away
or attack ben first
or something. he just let ben EFFING kill him!!!
he's just an idiot.

heres another question ... how the EFFING HELL did jacob get off the island????????
you know, to visit everyone?? are they EVER gonna tell us that?
they aren't. they just aren't.

we'll never find out about walt being special, or aaron being 'dangerous,' or what the rules actually are

there's too much to do in the next 2 episodes with the whole stupid idiotic flash-sideways and not to mention desmond who better be pretty frickin important (and where is jack's dad's body, are they gonna tell us that? is it gonna take them 45 minutes to slowly reveal like the way it took them an entire 60 minutes to very very very very very very slowly reveal about the frozen donkey wheel (something no one even really cares about) and adam and eve ....
speaking of which!

i thought the way they handled the adam & eve situation was just absolutely horrid

okay, so adam and eve are the MIB and his mom, i guess that's pretty cool, although it should have been rose and bernard, who you can add to the list of people we'll never see or hear about again.

but are we supposed to be stupid enough to believe that those two bodies have been laying by the caves for who knows how many centuries, and have been completely unmoved by anybody??? even though the Others, and Dharma, and god knows how many other random troops of people have been tramping around on the island for hundreds of years???
but when a plane crashes they find the damn stupid bodies in like 5 days
cuz no one would have ever thought to go near the freshwater caves except brilliant doctor jack

how freaking big is the island anyway, if nobody ever found those bodies before?
and nobody ever stumbled upon the glowing river of light, except jacob's mom who knows right where it is every time
and nobody ever found the lighthouse before
and the losties never noticed hydra island before
even though now they see it all the time
they also never found the dharama village, or the 4t oed statue, right?

and those 2 idiotic kids ran around the island every day for 13 years and never noticed a village FULL of HUMANS?
what island is this, freakin australia??

i thought it was the most SLOW MOVING, TIME DRAINING, PAINFUL, EXCRUIATING, HORRRRRIBLE episode of lost ever
i hated every second of it from start to finish

what year was it???
1500 ad? or 2000 bc? no idea.
where the hell did that woman come from??? no idea.
what WAS that woman? obviously not really a human, right?

but then she was killed like she was by maybe she was human?

the worst part is, now we'll NEVER know the answers to any of these questions
because this was their ONE CHANCE to provide answers about the island's past and mythology and they did a HORRIBLE job of it

an absolutely HORRIBLE job

in my opinion, this episode proves beyond any doubt that the writers never had a plan for the show when it started, that they've been BSing and making shit up as they go.

it's just total BS
the writers are just full of shit
i hate the show
i cant believe how much time i wasted watching and thinking about it
it's a huge piece of shit waste
i hate everything about it

i dont even think i'm going to watch the frickin finale

other than that ...
what did you think? did you like it?


  1. Check my blog for my thoughts specifically... But I did think it was amusing that you thought it was going to be one of the amazing episodes ever - without having seen it.

    And I would say that after 120ish hours so far, you should watch the finale. Because I think redemption is always possible.

    Also, who will I talk to about it?

  2. i just thought, how can a jacob/mib flashback not be amazing?

    yeah i'll probly watch the dumb finale.
    maybe dumbledore will show up.

  3. A few random thoughts I had after reading your rant...

    1. I agree with your review for the most part. Disappointing for sure. Lost has always been known for asking way more questions than it answers, and this episode was no exception.

    2. I was fine with the reveals for the donkey wheel and Adam and Eve. I think the last one might have actually been a reveal they did have in mind from the beginning.

    3. I think Desmond will have to travel down into the well/cave/river of light to save the island or something.

    4. I think the rules can just be chalked up to "mother says" and brotherly love.

    I'm not quite as upset as you are about it, but it's like parents say "I'm not mad...I'm...just disappointed."

  4. Dave....your so of the reasons your me best friend!!!

  5. Aaron since when are you Irish?

    "I lost me lucky charms!"

  6. Who said I am Irish? I dont trust you......